10 things I learned about myself while being single

Writing articles is not an easy task. You have to think about whether you want to be vulnerable because the subject is close to you, or if you prefer to have a playful approach to make it readable. This is a subject that is close to my heart. I have never had a meaningful relationship. I have always been single and looking for love in all the wrong places. Take it from someone who would find all the reasons to stay single for as long as possible. I have learnt so much about myself, of the world in these few years. This time is priceless. Time with yourself is priceless and you should take advantage of it while you can. The perks of being single are really simple.

What did I learn about myself while being single?

I have thought a lot about what I have to say with this article. When you read this article, I want you to understand the reasons to stay single until you are actually ready to commit to a relationship. You might never feel like you are ready, however, when the right person comes along you will understand everything. Everything that I share here is from personal experience and applies to me. That doesn’t mean it’s going to apply to you entirely.

I will talk to you about the nights I’ve cried for guys, how I even questioned “why does God want me to be single”, how I put up so many walls even I don’t know how to break them. I can tell you about the perks of being single and why you should absolutely take time off for yourself. Let’s dive in!

1. The perks of being single

So what are the perks of being single? The most important ones I can think of are saving yourself from heartbreak, misunderstandings, miscommunications and having a lot of time alone. Did you ever find yourself in a position where you just met someone and it was difficult to get on the same page? The pandemic has made it even more difficult to date and find meaningful relationships. We are so closed off from the world, paranoid to let someone close. We have built up walls around us to save us from any potential hurt.

When you are single, you don’t have to think about getting hurt. You can literally just go to bed knowing you haven’t argued with someone you just met 2 weeks ago. You are at peace and ready to conquer the world the next day. I find it funny when people say “no love, no pain”. Should love really be painful? There will be times when you argue, that can’t be helped, however, love should be about caring for one another. Love is about caring for yourself before anyone else.

2. Free and single

Don’t get me wrong, just because you are in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you are not free. You are free to do anything you want, you shouldn’t let anyone stop you from doing the things you love to do. When you are single, you DO have more freedom. It’s really just another one of the perks of being single. Instead of going to meet with your significant other, you can sit down and read a book. You can go exercise more. Especially if they are not into exercising, they might question why you are always at the gym or doing sports. Staying single by choice is the favour you should be doing for yourself. At least for a while.

Being 26 and still single has given me all the freedom I need. Not feeling bad for going out at 2 am and having to explain myself to someone. This sounds like all the relationships are toxic, which they are definitely not. You can find amazing people and get on with them. The chances are small and it’s not because there is something wrong with you. It’s just the way things are now. Having so many options you just don’t know how to settle. Wherever you go, you create relationships with others. There’s chemistry going on and no wonder you think that guy is right for you when you’ve barely known him for a month. My advice, just stay single and be happy!

3. No strings attached

This is my personal favourite. You do not have to feel bad for flirting with others and building connections with multiple people. Just talk about anything and everything without being guilty that someone is waiting for you to get home. Choose what type of relationship you want to build up with a specific person. If you want to dance with 5 strangers at a club, well, do just that. Be reasonable of course, don’t get into trouble.

Being able to have fun without any commitments is a different type of freedom. Have you known couples who broke up because either one of them hasn’t truly lived life? Maybe this wasn’t the case 100 years ago, however, today it is very much the case. Being committed to someone is serious. It might be difficult staying single by choice, but it is crucial if you want to have a happy relationship at some point in your life. You should be enjoying life, travelling, going to parties with your friends. Love will always be there, you are not missing out on anything, trust me. Let’s see the rest of the perks of being single.

4. Reasons to stay single

What are the reasons to stay single you ask? I have already talked about a few in the previous headings. Did you go through a breakup recently? Maybe even a divorce? Then you should definitely stay single until your heart has healed. Why it’s good to stay single after a breakup? Rushing into another relationship will just make you feel overwhelmed. You think you want it because you are used to being with someone, however, you will soon find out that you need time for yourself. It is also not fair to the other person. Always put yourself in other’s shoes. Would you want someone to be with you if they are not over their ex? I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t. The reason why so many relationships fail in the first place is that we are rushing through the process.

“Should I stay single after divorce?” Another question some might ask. Well, yes, of course. Even if you think you might be in that age gap where you should be married, having kids, being a good wife or a husband. None of that is true. We each have our own timeline and there are many benefits of staying single after divorce. Whether there was drama with the divorce or not, you should enjoy life. Stop caring about what others have to stay. Whatever you do, put yourself first. Don’t believe that everyone is happy because they are married or in a relationship. This brings me to more reasons to stay single in the next paragraphs.

5. Social media is not good for aingle people

Social media is a powerful tool. Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, can all make it seem like everyone’s life is perfect. When you scroll through Instagram and you see all those happy couples, you can’t help but wonder why aren’t YOU the one in a relationship. I am sure most of you is already aware of how social media can be fake. It can make it look like everyone is just living their best life while you are watching Netflix alone at home. Every relationship has its ups and downs. Many people don’t share these online as it’s private. Nobody wants to tell you that they just had a fight about who is taking out the garbage.

When you are scrolling online, please understand that what you see is not always real. You also don’t have to feel obliged to put your life out there. You should only do whatever feels comfortable. The perks of being single might not seem like it’s fun to be single, but I assure you it is. Instead of pretending to be happy on social media for your friends and family, you can be happy for yourself. Regardless of posting or not. Stay single until you want to, not until social media or others tell you to. Love really has no age limit. There are people who found love at older ages. There are also people who felt miserable while being young and being with the wrong person. Be with yourself, stay single, be happy.

6. Getting to know yourself

The perks of being single is also important when you are on a journey to knowing yourself. Knowing exactly what you want is such a revelation. You are not being selfish or have high standards. My favourite quote and something I try to live by is “Always be grateful, but never settle”. This of course is tricky. How do you know if you have settled or just compromised? Sadly I don’t have the answer to this. You just have to follow your gut feeling. You still need to compromise of course. Perfect people don’t exist. Perfect couples don’t exist. You might still be irritated when your partner is chewing loudly, so that is definitely something you need to compromise about.

How to stay single for a long time might be difficult at first. As you start understanding your needs and how your brain works, it will become easier. This is not going to happen quickly though. I’m telling you this. Especially if you are in your early twenties. Full of hope, ready to love and have fun. When you are getting closer to 30, you realize how what you wanted in a partner before is completely different from what you want now. If you were in a relationship from your early twenties until your late twenties or maybe even forever, do you think you would have known yourself enough? Comment down below as we are curious to hear your thoughts on this.

7. Single and traveling alone

You are going to read a lot about travelling in these articles I write. Travelling saved me so many times from heartbreaks and from feeling burnt out. Travelling gave me the escape I needed whenever things were not going well. In case you haven’t travelled alone yet, you should do it. It might seem scary, you definitely need to make sure where you are going is safe to travel alone. When you do it, you just get a different feeling than when you are with someone. You might even meet your soul mate in a cafe in Berlin. You just never know. This is one of the perks of being single.

It might even be that the question “Why does God want me to be single” will be answered on one of the trips. “Wouldn’t that be a long-distance relationship then?” Not necessarily. You might meet someone from the same country as you are, but also travelling alone and discovering themselves. Sure, chances are quite small, but it can definitely happen. I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure to connect with a stranger while being abroad. The only way I connected was through Tinder. However, that was a choice of my own. It wasn’t fate that downloaded the app on my phone and swiped for guys left and right.

8. Does love even exist?

I am still hopeful that love exists. The problem is that love alone is not enough for a relationship to last. You can love someone yet still not treat them well. Lack of communication and respect is what really destroys a relationship. Why is it that sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most? Precisely because love will never be enough in the long run.

Before you can truly love someone, you need to love yourself first. You need to respect yourself and be able to communicate with yourself. It might sound silly, however, how do you expect to be with someone if you are not able to be alone and be happy? It’s a difficult task. Yet it’s something I managed to learn and understand along the way. I’d rather be alone and love myself than be in a relationship where I am not valued as a human being. Once you understand what you really need, it will be much easier to find a partner. Well, you don’t have to find one, these things happen when you least expect it.

9. How to stay single for a year?

How to stay single for a year? Or the benefits of staying single after a divorce. This is easy. Stay away from dating apps. Seriously. Don’t download Tinder or Bumble or any other app. I know I just said that I downloaded Tinder while travelling, however, that is different. In this case, just work on yourself, try to eat healthy foods and exercise. Study something you’ve been putting off. Find a new hobby. Go travel. Meet with friends you’ve been meaning to meet with for a while. The perks of being single for a year or for a longer time is that it will be your choice. Your choice to decide what you’re doing with your own life.

There are so many things you are able to do. I know it is scary when you went through a breakup or divorce. Just know that you are not alone. You don’t have to be alone. Your friends and family are there to help you put the pieces back together. Use that to heal yourself. Before getting married again, be sure that you have found inner peace and your partner is worthy of you.

10. Finding peace within

From all the things I have experienced while being single, the most that stands out is finding peace within. Being able to be happy while you are alone will help you through anything. There’s a liberating feeling about not depending on a partner. How many days have you spent wondering why they are not messaging you? Even though you have set up some ground rules, they would still neglect you and just wouldn’t be there when you “needed” them. You don’t need anyone really. It is good to have friends and family to support you, but in the end, all you need is yourself.

There’s a saying: If you can eat at a restaurant alone, you can do anything alone. It’s a little bit extreme if you ask me, there’s no big deal in sitting in a restaurant alone. The main message is, that you need to be okay and at peace. You just have to find things that make you happy. Don’t go out looking for someone. When you are so happy with yourself, people will automatically be attracted to you. I do believe in manifesting the perfect person. When you have been single for a while and you just know what you want, the Universe, God, whoever you believe in is going to deliver that person to you!

Keep Calm, Stay Single!

So what is the take from this article? Pretty simple. Keep calm, stay single. Just understand the reasons to stay single and how you will benefit from them. I’ve spent so many years wishing I was in a happy relationship with someone else, yet I was not in a happy relationship with myself. It might sound really cliche, but it is the truth. A part of the world is already aware of how important it is to heal from anything that happened in the past. There are so many self-help books, podcasts, videos and so on, that seem to have all the answers. Staying single by choice is not an easy task. Trust me on this, your future self is going to thank you for choosing YOU.

There are definitely more perks of being single and we could talk about this more. Maybe I will be able to write an article at some point on how to be in a healthy relationship with someone else. For now, I hope you can learn from my mistakes, my insights and try to find ways to implement them into your life. Just remember, enjoy the journey and love yourself. Everything else will work out. Let us know in the comments below if you have any tips on how to stay single for a long time!